Dear Young Squires of the Hasty Pudding Society,
It is with great regret that I cannot join you all this fine day. Well, right off the bat I start with an assumption because I have no idea if it truly is a fine day or not in Cambridge, for I am writing this from Los Angeles. Assumptions are bad. As is Hastiness. Whereas Pudding is good. Therefore I have come to conclusion that your titular moniker represents both good and bad. It is appropriately so, then, that your membership consist of those who are good and those who are bad human beings. The critical part is making the distinction. I suggest you conduct hearings to “weed out” the bad influences and protect the purity of the good. May I suggest starting with alumnus, Dean Norris, a shady character when first I set eyes on him. Yes, force him to name names on other bad influences or strike him from the record books forever. I harken back to the good old days of the HUAC and Joseph McCarthy. Now that man was pure pudding.
There is a parallel between Hasty Pudding and Walter White, a man possessing both good and bad qualities, but with a leaning toward the bad. By deduction then, without a proper culling of the negative forces festering within your organization, every member of the famed and historic Hasty Pudding Society will undoubtedly be lead to a criminal enterprise, the destruction of the family unit, corruption of those around you, and eventually a bitter, lonely death in a make-shift chemistry lab.
And to that I say, Huzzah!
Yours very truly,
Gif, 2013 Ibon Mainar